Tangled up in Blue (and Pink): women’s sport, sexuality, and trans kids

In the never-ending maze of the gender debate there are endless topics to pick apart and make new enemies over. Here are my current thoughts on three of the stickiest: sports, sexuality, and trans kids.

I often feel a bit disingenuous talking about trans people and sports. I hate sports. Why do we care so much how well strangers exercise? I can’t claim to care about the preservation of women’s sport because I don’t care about the preservation of any sport. That said, I can accept that these things are important to many people, not least the athletes themselves. For a long time, I couldn’t even see why there was a discussion. Sports are based around the things the male body is good at. Male bodies have the power to seriously hurt female bodies, much more so than the other way around. What could be the possible justification for allowing trans women to compete, especially on a self-ID basis?

Having dug a little deeper, it all seems much murkier. The issue is not whether men should compete against women in sports (No.) The issue is whether trans women who have undergone some level of medical transition should compete against cis women in sports (less clear.) Okay, yes, we do have people like Chase Strangio of the ACLU going around saying that there are zero issues and that trans girls are literally biologically female. It’s difficult to assess, but I don’t actually think this view is representative of majority trans opinion. Trans women do lose physical strength while on hormones, and trans men do gain it. But there are also other things to consider: lung capacity, height, bone structure. These advantages do not seem to be affected by transition. Trans advocates would point to the complete lack of transgender people in the Olympics as evidence that there is no threat to women’s sport. Gender critical feminists would point to the fractured skull of Tamika Brents, an opponent of trans woman MMA fighter Fallon Fox. The following things seem to clear to me though:

a) There ought to be rules on testosterone levels and hormone use, even at the high school level.

b) Research should be ongoing, and should lead any advocacy or activism, rather than the other way around.

c) Both trans women and cis women have an equal right to compete.

d) The safety of cis woman must be protected in contact sports, and no natal woman should be pressured into fighting a trans woman if she doesn’t want to.

e) Why is boxing?

Final thoughts on sports: Why are we still paying people to fight each other? Seems like we should have evolved past that by now. As an aside, it might be nice if we developed and placed more emphasis on sports based around the things the female body excels at: balance, endurance, flexibility, lyricism. I might even take an interest (probably not).

An aspect of the debate that I do take much more seriously is the question of sexual coercion of lesbians. In short, many lesbians are not attracted to trans women, particularly pre-op trans women. Some trans women apparently take issue with this, criticising lesbians who aren’t sexually interested in male genitalia as transphobic. Consider the following:

Zinnia is a prominent trans activist. What she says here, at first glance, might read as nothing particularly interesting. Genitals are funny looking, sure. But “it’s just flesh. You can probably deal with it.” I can probably deal with having sex with genitals I don’t want to have sex with? This is dismissive, inaccurate, and a reflection of the rape culture that is familiar to so many of us.

Rachel McKinnon (now Veronica Ivy) is another prominent trans activist, known for competing successfully in women’s cycling competitions. Her message might take a little decoding; pan refers to pansexual, which is a relatively new term for someone who is attracted to people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Sexual genital preferences is probably a coded reference to lesbians, but on its face refers to someone who wants to have sex with male bodies or female bodies, but not both. You know, the majority of the population. This message is extraordinary. She is outright calling the majority of people in the world incurably immoral on the basis of their sexuality. To see someone who seems to consider themselves a representative of the LGBT community imply that you can change your sexual orientation by embracing morality is dizzying, to say the least. To be fair, she did get some amount of flak for this tweet from a few other trans activists. But maybe not enough.

It’s certainly not the case that all trans advocates support those statements above. But the way that some people disavow this sentiment suggests that they aren’t as accepting of other people’s sexuality as they claim to be. Take trans woman Gemma Stone, in her article disputing the existence of lesbophobia in the trans community:

Again, another post just making the comments that genitals aren’t all that important to the initial sexual attraction. Though in my opinion they can be a deal breaker if you’re petty like that I guess.

I don’t know if Gemma is joking. If she is, it’s not a great one. If she isn’t, you can’t pretend you’re defending people’s sexual freedom while calling their sexuality petty. Is that really not self-evident? The tone of her entire article is judgemental and frankly callous towards cis lesbians.

The discovery of these attitudes intensely disturbed me. For one thing, it harkened back to the slimy and sleazy way too many heterosexual men fetishise lesbians, unable to accept that any woman’s sexuality does not revolve around men. Secondly, it is nothing more than repackaged homophobia. Lesbians do not need to expand their sexuality. They do not need to get over it. The only people who need to work on their sexuality are people whose sexuality includes pressuring other people into sex.

There are a couple of finer points to consider. First, we have the question, is it transphobic to say you wouldn’t date a trans person at all? I’m often a bit nervous of these discussions, including when they come to race or other classifications. Partly because attraction is self-evidently not something you can change, and it always seems to be women who are being encouraged to change it. Partly because I imagine that members of the maligned group don’t much want to date someone who is prejudiced against them. I think the question needs some qualifying. Are you saying you haven’t ever found yourself attracted to a trans person? I don’t think that’s transphobic (although you might have, and just not known they were trans). Are you saying that you don’t want to have sex with a pre-op trans person who you are otherwise attracted to because that’s not the body type you’re interested in? Again. Not transphobic. Are you saying that you would not date someone you otherwise find attractive and whose genitals tick your boxes, but you are turned off by the simple fact that they are trans? That comes closer to transphobia to me. I do also take the point that trans people, especially trans women, are reviled in the media as sexual partners and portrayed as tricking people into bed with them, and that this perception has real life consequences in the despicable trans panic defence, which allows violent offenders to claim that they were acting in a kind of self-defence if they come to realise their sexual partner is trans. Trans people are normal people who make normal sexual partners (or not so normal, if that’s what you’re into).

I hear TRAs often point out that you don’t necessarily know the genitals of the people you’re attracted to anyway. This is true; however, attraction is not the only component of sexuality; the other component being your desired sex acts. So while you might initially be attracted to someone without knowing what downstairs body type they have, you might be turned off by their genitals, or turned off by the sexual acts on offer. That is totally normal. There is nothing fetishistic about not wanting to engage in certain sex acts or with one set of genitals. Considering that only a small percentage of the population is bisexual, most people are only open to one or the other.

The last point on sexuality is something on which I have some sympathy for the TRA position, and that is how to label your sexuality. Are trans women able to be lesbians? Are men who date trans women gay? We have traditionally considered sexuality to be defined by sex, not gender, but we traditionally have not included trans people in our cultural consciousness. So for some people, the sex of their partners is paramount. For some people, the gender presentation of their partners is paramount. People are different, and nowhere is that more apparent than in our sexualities. There are complicated issues of consent and the appropriate time to disclose your status as trans, but I don’t see an issue with varying the definition on its face, so long as we accept that no one is entitled to sex from someone else. But I think that is exactly the sticking point: do you accept that you are not entitled to sex? Do you accept that other people’s sexuality is none of your business?

One of the most emotionally charged area of this debate is the issue of children who suffer from gender dysphoria. In short, many people believe that gender clinics are negligent towards these kids, not exploring the basis of their dysphoria enough before prescribing medication. Kids are generally given puberty blockers first, the long-term effects of which are controversial, and this usually leads to hormone replacement therapy, the effects of which are significant. Notably, post transition, having your own kids is usually impossible. A number of detransitioners have come out in recent years and talked about their experiences, feeling that they were persuaded by people online (Tumblr comes up often) that they were trans, that gender clinics rushed them through the transition process, and then they came to regret transitioning. Some of these people have already gone through irreversible changes. I cannot imagine the anger and pain they must feel. Several of the former trans men came to realise that they clung to a trans identity in order to avoid realising that they were lesbians.

On the other hand, trans kids need healthcare, and affirming therapy and medication have been proven to be effective. Trans kids suffer from a higher rate of suicide attempts, and medical treatment does improve mental health for the trans people who need it. According to the data we have, detransition rates remain low; however, I’m not sure this data really reflects the current group of mostly dysphoric female adolescents who are the focus of discussion.

I think the questions we have to ask ourselves are:

Do trans kids exist? Yes. I think there are children who suffer from dysphoria who will recover from it without transitioning. I think there are kids being raised in overly restrictive gendered environments who might believe they are trans when they are not. But there are kids for whom GD will persist, and transition is the best option for them. Many people wish this wasn’t the case. The idea that children would be so deeply uncomfortable with their bodies is a painful thought to adults, particularly parents. But to deny that trans children is to claim that many people are lying about their own past and present experiences.

Do detransitioners exist? Yes. I see responses from TRAs that highlight the rarity of detransition. I think this is an inadequate response. We all recognise what an undesirable situation detransition is. To simply dismiss it as rare is…well…dismissive. Young women are still growing up into a culture that views them as lesser, that objectifies them, that criticises their every move. While I think that body/fat acceptance movements have made a lot of social progress recently, women and girls still hate their bodies. Detransitioners cite an internet culture that encourages them to see discomfort with their bodies or being a woman as irrefutable evidence of being trans, or holds the promise of transition as a kind of escape from sexism. I believe them when they say they were influenced by this, the same as I believe the trans kids.

Do children and teenagers always know their own minds? Heck no. Of course children have a simplistic definition of girl and boy. Of course teenagers are impulsive and reckless and unable to predict the consequences of their actions in the same way adults can (and let’s face it, we’re no great shakes at it either). They absolutely need the input and guidance of their parents and qualified professionals. When I see people claiming that teens should be able to make these decisions by themselves, I can’t really take it seriously. Does anyone genuinely think that’s true?

How do we talk about the mental health of dysphoric kids? Of all the shitty, damaging social justice platitudes that we’ve come up with in the last few years, “better a trans kid than a dead kid” is the absolute worst. Yes, trans kids are at a higher risk of suicide attempt than their peers. Yes, their access to healthcare, therapy, and a loving accepting environment is crucial. But this phrase sets up an overly simplistic blame game that implies your child’s ties to their own will to live are so fragile that breathing the wrong pronoun at them could break them, and this sentiment goes against all of the advice that mental health organisations give the media in order to avoid suicide contagion. Suicide is neither a simple matter, nor a reasonable response to a gender dysphoric person’s situation. I think that we can do better in discussing the mental health of these kids than to hold their potential suicides over everyone’s heads.

Is the existing care for gender dysphoric kids good enough? It seems not. Recently the Tavistock Centre (the NHS gender clinic) was rated inadequate. Their performance in the recent Keira Bell case was shockingly disorganised; they failed to produce comprehensive data on multiple fronts. Detransitioners have talked about feeling rushed into medical treatment and wishing that their therapists had challenged their sense of being trans more. That being said, the review of the Tavistock Centre also talked about the compassion and caring that the clinic’s staff had for dysphoric kids. I think these healthcare providers operate from a place of wanting to help their patients. But as it stands, I don’t believe the care being provided is up to scratch.

What is the role of the public in intervening with healthcare? This is the most complex question, in my opinion. Our morality must come out of the science, not the other way around. Therefore, ideas of what the appropriate age to receive medical treatment is should come out of research. Meaning, we have to let the experts expert. That might mean accepting that the research shows a different age threshold for medication or surgery than what we personally believe is appropriate. At the same time, the public and the media do bear responsibility in terms of holding the medical community to account: making sure that the needs of all dysphoric kids are being addressed, not just pushing for the “side” we’re on, and advocating for sufficient funds and resources to be put into gender clinics.

Ultimately, I think the most important thing the public can do is the exhausting, seemingly never ending , ridiculously complicated work of creating a less gendered world for children, and in this regard, I’m sorry to say that we are failing badly. It’s only been since the 80s that it was common to know the sex of your baby before birth, and I think things have got more gendered due to that change, not less. Children’s clothing and nurseries used to be white for all babies, not pink for girls and blue for boys. I’ve genuinely struggled to find gender neutral clothes when I was buying for friend’s babies whose sex I didn’t know. When I grew up in the 80s, my brothers and I played with Cabbage Patch dolls and Transformers together. That’s not to say toys and clothes weren’t gendered back then, but a stroll through Hamley’s nowadays or a good long look at a LOL doll should set any feminist’s head spinning. We need to be doing a lot better on this. I don’t mean to suggest that being trans is a result of responding to stereotypes. I don’t mean to suggest that dysphoria is a simple response to gendered toys. I think it’s much more complicated than that. I’m not really talking about trans kids at all when I say that as a baseline, we should be working harder against a society that is already sexualising young girls by the time they hit 6, and already militarising young boys at the same age. In some ways, I wonder if the feminist focus on detransitioners is a response to awareness of our ongoing failure to breakdown these gendered restrictions on boys’ and girls’ behaviour. Are we focussing on this small group of people because the toy corporations, regressive parents, anxious parents, clothing stores, and advertisers seem an insurmountable obstacle? Marlo Thomas’ vision sometimes seems further away than ever. I don’t know how to get to that land where the river funs free, I just know we aren’t there yet.